WINTER WEIGHT ANALYSIS

(WITH APOLOGIES TO THE HARD WORKING AND COMPETENT PEOPLE IN THE U. S. DEFENSE DEPT. (WHO ARE SWALLOWED UP BY THE MEAT MACHINE))

using the latest U. S. DEFENSE DEPT. scientific, and mathematical techniques including multi-variable regurgitation, analysis of deviates, divergence of sputum induction, dr. professor meatball's theorem, and an embarassingly large amount of money for contractor salesmen we are investigating the cause of increased winter weight among executives, officers, and the skanks of the defense dept.

so far it appears that eating, drinking, and not getting off their fat asses is the major cause.  talking, flirting, and hanging out in officer's clubs and the rest room does not burn body fat.

dr. professor bozo meatball, leader of this program and graduate of (ugh) new jersey colleges and universities has devised a complex statistical  method using only your fingers and toes.  he considers himself a genius with degrees: ms in oral activities, phd in bar hopping, ahole studies, and draft dodging.
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