TRUTH IN HEALTHCARE II

crumpled up in a ball of pain and illness i entered the hospital as best i could. the first words you hear tell you they'll be right with you and you should have a seat. sitting there for an eternity of suffering someone calls your name. the processing interrogation gives you hope that help will be on the way. soon you wil hear the bugle of the cavalry riding in to save you.

eventually you wind up in a bed in a gown with your butt end visible to all. not too bad considering that i was present when a theatre group in the dc area mooned the audience. i never want to see another show by that stupid group again. i guess that was art. my butt is not art.

somehow i know not how i got through that day but the next day i was on oxycodone, rush limbaugh's favorite med, all day.

the highlight of my stay was when my throat closed up. i could still breathe - fortunate or unfortunate depending on your point of view. no food or fluid could be swallowed. somehow the procedure for entering my stomach was easy for the medical staff but not so easy for the patient. anyway all they had to do (a piece of cake) was run a tube up my nose, have it bend down into my throat and eventually into my stomach. nothing to it. unfortunately the remaining space in my throat was not large enough to accomodate the tube. i can assure you that jesus, mohammed, buddha, and moses together were totally useless. you can imagine whatever you want but the spirits are of no use to me. yup, my fault.

three fun attempts at placing the life saving death tube failed which only made the nurses angry at me. eventually an eent doctor ran a tube with light and viewer into my throat and proclaimed the remaining space was not large enough to run the tube. yea, the staff was exonerated. they did their job. not their fault. the good news was that the part of my throat which was swollen was the best part of any that could swell. yea - i may live - or boo - depending.

TO BE CONTINUED. I KNOW YOU ARE EXCITED OVER THIS.

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