MY BLOG: FOR ME AND MY GOLDFISH

dear goldfish,


my wife and i attended (on the sidelines) the Stephen Colbert/Jon Stewart event at the dc mall yesterday.  before the media and political control freaks get hold of it and distort the event, i have the following observations:

a.  i'm sure at least a million people attended and more including me could only stay on the sidelines.  thats one of every three hundred americans attended or tried to attend this event.

b.  there were no idealogues.  the only very occasional theme were some signs that bush and his administration were sadly lacking.  and they were.

c. jesus must love this crowd.  it was a magnificent fall day.

AND THIS WAS ONLY THE CROWD ON THE MALL

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the media and political control freaks will try to make this an entertainment or comedy event which it definitely was not.  a million serious people who are sick of the real comedians:  politicians old and new "from sea to shining sea" trying to ruin this good and great country for their own benefit.

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ELECTION DAY ALERT

keep the political hacks at bay.  disconnect all communication devices and leave your home.  today they will be harassing and begging for your attention like dogs at the dinner table.  next week, after the election, they'll be exploiting you.

do something more important; watch the leaves turn, smell fresh air - if the politicians left any for you. 

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WHEN MUSSOLINI, STALIN, AND HITLER MET

today we will have a discussion with two great leaders of our recent time past, general secretary joe badboy stalin, and chancellor adolf crazyguy hitler.  they will discuss the care and feeding of a newborn kitten under the moderation of his excellency benito mafiaboss mussolini.

bm:  "before we send for a pizza, let us start our discussion,  general secretary stalin."

s: "we must take the kitten to siberia for its safety."

h:  hitler turns red and jumps onto table waving his arms and screaming, "you are wrong.  the kitten has blue eyes and is of pure blood.  it cannot be contaminated by your people."

stalin takes out gun .. bang .. and shoots hitler.

bm: "he's dead.  call for the pizza."

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

....... mushrooms .....  and extra cheese ......

...  mmmmm ... pizza
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notes:

Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin born იოსებ ბესარიონის ძე ჯუღაშვილი.  he was considered for the ... ummm .... nobel peace prize in 1945. wow - so much for the peace prize.

adolf hitler was considered of full aryan blood which accounts for his insanity and assholeness; aryan racial traits.

benito mussolini was a political journalist early in his career and was a well qualified media person.

pizza  (modern pizza) originated in Italy as the neapolitan pie with tomato and cheese in 1889.   .. mmm .. pizza.

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MOON ROCKS

i'm expected to believe that some guy who acquired a bunch of what they call college credits in geology because he wanted to avoid the draft for 'nam and because of his parents' profitable lawn service walks out on his lawn and among the gazillion varied and unique rocks he discerns that one popped off the moon.  whoa, thats a leap of faith and a lot to digest.

my theory is  (y'know what buffalo chips are?) that those ufos when they land (usually in nevada) empty their - ummmm -- you know - moon rocks and fly away.

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ANNIE LITTLE, ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER VOICE ----



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SACAGAWEA LIVES

OR SARAH PALIN?  WHO KNOWS?

sarah palin is channeling shoshoni woman, sacagawea who led the lewis and clark expedition, acted as interpreter, guide, and class mother while she bore and nursed her child.

of course lewis and clark, and our brilliant president, thomas jefferson got the credit.  they of course had all the brains and sacagawea was just a common woman without degrees, awards, or rank.

hey, i don't want palin to lead me but the truth is compelling.

i'm as dumb as the rest of you.  i want people with degrees, awards, and rank no matter how stupid they are.

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which brings to mind fred astaire and ginger rogers. she did the same thing he did except backwards and in high heels.

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just sayin'

lewis had a dog, seaman, during the expedition and praised its  “sagacity”.

"sagacity



Definition: wisdom


Synonyms: acumen, astuteness, brains, clear thinking, common sense, comprehension, discernment, discrimination, enlightenment, experience, foresight, good judgment, insight, intelligence, judgment, knowledge, levelheadedness, perceptiveness, perspicacity, practicality, prudence, sageness, sapience, sense, shrewdness, understanding "

obviously lewis and clark needed a lot of help.

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i have no idea what this is about...........

"Je sais qu'il est des yeux
Qui regardent peureux
Le bonheur qui revient
Et ce sont les tiens
Que tout un passé retient
Ne songeons plus à nos remords
l'amour est toujours le plus fort
Tes yeux pleins de douceur
Ne doivent rêver qu'aux joies de mon coeur.
(au Refrain)"



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YEA! DALLAS COWBOYS HAVE THEM WHERE THEY WANT THEM.

cowboys disgracefully losing to the NEW YORK GIANTS last night is giving the rest of the nfl a feeling of confidence.  it is exactly what they were aiming for.  all they have to do now is win every game remaining in the regular seaon and all the playoff games.  voila, super bowl champions - piece of cake!

GO GIANTS!!!!

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just sayin':

as said on the joe scarborough show, any college football team playing on a tuesday night like BOISE STATE is not ready for prime time BCS.

the game on nov. 6th against moderate strength hawaii may be turning point for boise.


nevermind.
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I'M FALLING FOR THE 1957, DORIS DAY (and the 90 bc cleopatra):



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OPEN LETTER TO TEAPARTY AND REPUBLICANS

dear t&r,

just keep sending me my social security, keep workin', pay your taxes and shutup.

granpa

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just sayin'

daily record, "Defense, energy industries pour thousands into Frelinghuysen's coffers"

being that the crappy democrats in this district have no chance and would be no improvement over countryclub rodney this can only be payment for future favors.


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WORK ETHIC - ARBEIT MACHT FREI (heh, heh - you don't believe the phony germans actually believe this)

i'm glad the french are at least clearheaded (thru their wine-hazed eyes) when it comes to work. 


press tv :"France paralyzed as strikes enter day 12 "

and their government only wants to change the retirement age.

americans seem to be brainwashed that if anyone is only casually considering not working he is a dangerous communist.

even the most menial of jobs is considered better than not working.  i've heard my fellow primates proudly say such things as, “it was my job to push the green button at the firing range.”  how someone could admit that he had such a demeaning job is beyond my understanding.  but he was working! huh?

i retired as soon as possible and was accused of being a slacker not a man of means, magnate, or aristocrat.  but that was new jersey, home of bigfoot and his wife bigmouth.

i don't get it.

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Heigh-Ho - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

apparently the seven dwarfs had no idea of what they were doing - mining gems.



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DEFENSE DEPT. SAFETY SPECS - PART III

(continued)


TWO WEEKS LATER ----

me: "here it is, bossman. a comprehensive compendium of all safety requirements for this item as required by the official textual and canned materials handed down from the all-wise command."

bm: "this is only one page, double spaced."

me: "yup, thats all thats necessary.  its all in there."

bm:  "beef it up.  i'd like at least ten pages to show my great effort and my magnificent work in this area."

me: "i've incorporated all the necessary components and requirements. its all there.  what else do you want?  you're the boss."

bm: "no, you're the expert.  we sent you to that expensive, intensive course and gave you a framed, certified, imprimatur stamped certificate with gold leaf lettering.  as i said, you have a free hand.  do it.  do it.  do it."

me:  "let me understand this.  you say, i have a free hand and i'm the expert?"

bm: "yup."

me: "ok, i've got it, boss.  its as good as done.?  see you later."

FIVE YEARS LATER:

me: "well, today is my last day.  i'm retiring.  bye."

bm: " what a coincidence, today is my last day too.  i'm getting a promotion and going to the command and getting a superior performance award for my exceptional and excellent leadership and supervisory ability.  by the way, weren't you completing a safety specification?"




me: "oh, remember?  it was completed with your superior assistance.  you've been such a great help."

bm "sure, i remember it well."

THE END

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hooray to the defense dept. staff!!!!!!!!



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DEFENSE DEPT. SAFETY SPECS - PART II

(continued)

armed with my complete safety cookbook, canned textbook answer sheet, boilerplate worksheet, automaton like defense dept. mentality conducive to a stepford (or sparta, new jersey) mentality, and framed certificate certifying that i was an expert in determining ammunition safety with imprimatur, raised seal and appropriate signatures i reported to my bossman's office.

the bossman said, "you have a free hand.  the ball is in your court.  run with it.  go, go, go."

"i will.  i will.  i will."

"for your first assignment you will prepare a safety specification for the xm34e1 flotation fragmentation mine, cooking, auto-loading, self-actuating, really expensive device.  "

"yes, sir, i'm on my way."

DEFENSE DEPT. IN ACTION

i ran to my cubicle hung my official framed, signed, and sealed certificate assuring my competence in preparation of ammunition safety specifications like the looney tunes engineer in the next cubicle who had his phd diploma tacked to his wall ... ummm ...partition thing.

and started working to save our country and support our troops.

(to be continued)

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DEFENSE DEPT, MANAGEMENT AT WORK FOR YOU:

(its not how or where you jump, its how high you jump, and how fast you can sing and dance.)




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DEFENSE DEPT. SAFETY SPECS - PART I

my boss sent me to a four hour intensive session on ammunition production safety specs.  the teacher sent by some outrageously priced contractor came in late, told a few bizarre, bigoted (mainly black and jew) jokes, drank his coffee, ate his box of donuts, adjusted his 42" belt, looked for a blackboard, chalk, took attendance, asked for a projector, waited for installation of projector, searched for electrical outlet, waited for bulb to be replaced, informed us of a rabbi's bad behavior on his holiest day, and blackpeople eating watermelon, burped, went for a pee, loosened his pants, and called for a break.   

after our coffee break we got down to serious work.  we introduced ourselves, distributed boilerplate worksheets and textual materials (perfect for our engineers and scientists).  teacher actually picked up a piece of chalk and started making diagrams, squares, and circles on the board.  he then inserted a graphic into the projector which to my surprise he knew how to work.  trying to stay awake i drew a variety of pictures on my worksheet.


very soon teacher began complaining about hunger pangs and as happy as a pig in shit about his great presentation sent us on our way early after distributing framed certificates with our names, official imprints and signatures for course completion, he asked for directions to the cafeteria and disappeared.

now fully prepared and anxious to start my project with new and exciting information i returned to the office enthusiastic to write up my first safety spec to keep our nation and defenses secure.  yea!

(to be continued)

GRIEVOUS ALCS

looks like the texas hayseeds will beat the historic and great NEW YORK YANKEES in the alcs.  but when all is said and done they will still be hayseeds and the YANKEES will still be remembered forever.

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JOE DIMAGGIO, FOREVER.



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DIABLO III: NEW CHARACTER????

i hope blizzard incorporates my new character, GERIATRICMAN.

some of his powers, special weapons, and defenses are:
a. knee and hip socket replacement empowers him with greater agility.
b. a cane super weapon imbued with sword and fire power.
c. magical meds for invisibility  and added stamina, speed, and agility.
d. walkers equipped with weapons and armor.
e. super powerful prostate muscle for long range destruction.
f. writing a new magical will diminishes opponents strength, desire, and power.

diablo, himself can be lulled into a mesmerized state by, GERIACTRICMAN,  telling him about how he went to school uphill in a snowstorm with the wind in his face and .............

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other stuff could be --

a money globe. periodically refilled by social security checks, you die if it goes to zero.

magical osteoporosis inflicted on demons.

baldspot vulnerability - the character’s deadly weakness.

heart valve replacement necessary for exciting melee mode.

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wikipedia:  "Trem das Onze" (English: The 11 P.M. train) is a famous classical samba composition by Brazilian singer Adoniran Barbosa (1912-1982), released in 1964 and made famous that same year by the samba group Demônios da Garoa. It is widely considered one of the best Brazilian popular songs ever. ....."



couldn't find any visual of this particular version.  sad, sad, sad. 

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i'm not sure but the words seem to say that the singer is dumping his lover??? huh?



Translation


I can't stay
Not even another minute with you
I am sorry, love
But it can not be
I live in Jaçanã
If I miss this train
That leaves now at 11 PM
Only tomorrow morning
And besides that, woman
There's another thing
My mother doesn't sleep
Until I get home
I'm an only child
I have my house to look after

DALLAS COWBOYS LAME EXCUSES CAN'T HACK IT

the dog ate the playbook,

christine o'donnell put a spell on tony romo.

in texas, being wiped out is a considered a great victory like at the alamo.

i especially like the excuse for last week where a longer kickoff was responsible for a sorta "walk-off" touchdown.

nevermind texas, you are pathetic.

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****go jets********go giants******go yankees************************************
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GO RANGERS - heh, heh

i'm so happy for texas that they won yesterday because texans have so little to live for.  a little happiness has entered their miserable lives.

the yankees who have everything may win upon returning to nyc.

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GOD BLESS YOU, EVERYONE

i was just reading about the atheists meeting in LA.  seems there are fundamentalist atheists and conservative atheists and reform atheists.  i am of the, "personally, i don't give a damn", school of atheism.  you can all go on your merry blinded way .........


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/16/us/16beliefs.html?_r=1&ref=us

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GO YANQUIS

i could only last four innings in last night's yankee game.  150 year olds have a problem with late hours and excitement after 4 in the afternoon. 

the main cause of the ranger defeat was the presence of super loser george w bush in the stadium.  they may do better today.  just keep republicans out or at least keep them at bay.  or call in christine o'donnell to cast a spell on the yanks.

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"Don't Stop Believing"

CAPE MAY UBER ALLES

just back from cape may, new (ugh) jersey.  we went on a u-boat search.  no bastard germans off shore.  they seemed to have landed.  cluttering up our land.   http://www.uboatarchive.net/U-858Photos.htm

on the way there i had to pass through witch country - christine o'donnell's turf of southern delaware to get to the lewes/cape may ferry.  did not see any demons or witches on the trip.

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"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead"

ICH BIN EINE CHILEAN MINE WORKER

its a good thing that the chileans didn't ask for help from an american businessman because we would have spent a billion dollars by now.  the businessman would be askng for more money, and the miners would be dead.

our NASA, a (aaarrgggh) governmental socialist entity provided some expertise.  not bp, newt gingrich or donald trump.



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AMERICA TAKE NOTE

cheers to chilean miners for their natural strength and spirit. 

i think survival or this type of work would be almost impossible for the average complaining, drug addicted, spoiled american.  i'm sure i would have needed several elephant sized tranquilizers for my survival.


do they have a disabled program?  handicapped ramp?  sex harassment administrator?  gay rights?

nevermind.

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