PLAYING THE DIPLOMA CARD

its always good to talk about your phd. people are impressed. there is an excellent chance that they will never realize that you are a delusional moron.

you sat through 200 or 300 incredibly boring college credit hours. this is to your credit for your discipline and dedication but my dog can do the same thing.

be sure to learn new words that only you and william buckley understand and he's dead. if anyone else understands you, you have not fulfilled your phd union requirements. and speak softly so that people must bend towards you to hear you. make sure you mention your phd. did i mention that you should say phd as often as possible. speak only to people who have an appointment to see you. you may plagiarize as one of your perks. no one can know everything. if bearded, stroke it frequently. smoke a pipe and blow the smoke in the face of your audience. being an absolute jerk seems to be a plus among phds. having a phony accent is admired (kissinger or buckley for example). be sure to mention how difficult your life has been. if you do not have the stated diplomas and documentation don't worry about it because no one will authenticate your background. these are some of the tricks you must use to intimidate your audience.

you must use these tips because you have no natural ability.

employers will hire a phd over the average homeless person. can't blame them. i would do the same.

i have more complaints but i'm getting bored with this.

***************************************************************

just saying'. when i was a kid my phd uncle had me take a magazine published IQ test. i got 14 of the 15 questions correct. i asked him how many he got right? he said, "10". i'm sure he decided the test was at fault. he's been dead for many years but i'm still angry over the misinformation he gave me which i followed.

he whipped me at chess when i was a kid many times. one day when i was in college i challenged him to a game and avenged all my previous defeats whipping his butt. you are only as good as your last game.

****************************************************************